A lot of people nowadays confidently boast the number of people that are willing to be around them. The so-called relationship of friendship has become a common term that its definition had quite become vague. Friends, easily associated due to social media relations.

Not so long ago, in a not distant past, we had tasted how to earn real friendships. Just like courting, we had to accept rejections and criticisms from the process, but acquiring one friend out of the large flock feels like a bittersweet victory. A fact that all of us may agree, all of us had a special friend in every stage of our life.

I can still count my friends and remember them by name. Some may have faded away due to indifference or took separate journeys. Maybe it is my fault. I can easily be befriended but there's more to it than what everyone can see. Trust is important. As what Revenge's Victoria Grayson said, "Trust is a luxury I cannot afford."

After writing the three paragraphs above, I asked myself: Why am I writing this section? Do I have any point to prove? I think none at all. I just feel alone sometimes by shying away myself from others. And sometimes we had to smile despite what we feel inside. Can I find how to open myself again?

My college life primarily started maybe on wrong footing and later on directed my attention to service, even above self to correct the mistake. I was wrong. It was even a road less traveled, a journey of detachment. Truth be told, I hated rejection, With that came my fear of failure. Am I competitive? In a way, yes. But the deepest realization I got from my recently ended chapter was I ended up alone.

I sought solace by seeking new friends. And I did. But I am torn. Am I just too presumptive in achieving company with them? I thought, what if I am asserting myself to them too much?  People are starting to misconstrue my actions, making it unpalatable for me to accept. Tagged as someone who felt close to almost everyone, but then again, I accepted it. If it is a price for me to pay for achieving  real friendships, it may be worth it.

Here, now. Too much drama. I can now remember someone who'll say that I am now over acting. Maybe. But deep inside, all is unstable. Though I find myself funny sometimes too, but the irregularity of my feelings is too ingrained. I am hoping I can root it out and kill it by drying it in a pike. Bloody as it may seems, the fluctuating emotions keeps me on leash by something within an invisible shroud.

This is just a test of time, says myself to myself. The people I just met in the recent months are very receptive. I found myself now after writing this that I was not alone but lonely, with the feeling that no one cares. But it's a poison pill. And I found my antidote: friends.

With friends, of which I hope they too consider me as one, I felt not alone anymore. I realized that there is more to others' problem and that there are more broken hearts in the world left unattended and can't be mended. Compared to that, my loneliness is a just a scratch in the elbow. The past months taught me to live life abundantly through love and laughter. And loneliness is a just a balloon that needs to be let go. 

Some people find me a bit snobbish. Some say that I am too suplado looking. But one thing that people don't find in their first impressions of me: I am weird.

Hindi ko rin maintindihan minsan ang sarili ko. I oftentimes find myself self-pitying over nonsense things. Naisip ko nga, is something wrong with me?

Nagdadalawang-isip pa rin ako habang nagsusulat kung dapat ko bang isalaysay ang karanasan ko sa mga nagdaang araw. Mahadlok ko ba na malaman ko na ako pala ay may topak o pagka-boang. *laughs while writing this portion*

Minsan nadadamay ko ang mga kaibigan ko sa pagka-negative ng aking pag-iisip. I had spent countless times of walking around the city proper just to clear my mind, ride jeepneys over and over the same route or magtambay sa ibabang sapa ng Mimbalot Falls. I have this sentiment within that even I cannot express nor put into words.

I thought: Mahirap pala talaga mapag-iwanan. Though I am not yet completely alone, but the thought occurred to me in the most frightful feeling it could ever be. May mga bagay talaga na di magawa-gawang ishare sa iba. Nahihiya o natatakot? Pati ako, hindi ko alam. 

One of the real roots, after a careful throwback of memories, maybe is that people look up to me as who they wanted me to be. Matapos ang matagal na panahon na hindi ako naging ako, it was hard for me to go back. It's not that I pretended to be a different person, pero masyado akong nabalot sa iisang bahagi ng aking pagkatao and that made people generalize me as who really I am.

Natatakot akong bumalik sa dati. The old me was quite an adventure seeker and not the leader and high man that people see me as who I am now. Even when I am writing this, it occurred to me if it will really be okay to post this on my blog. Baka isipin nila may pagka psycho na ako or whatsoever, pero hahahaha, I just really wanted to write my thoughts now.

Nagsimula kasi sa pagtingin ng mga tao. I really see that I belong in a society which is way too judgmental, and gaining a positive outlook entails many restrictions. Masyado lang siguro akong perfectionist o nakatali sa sosyokultural na aspeto. Because of that build-up, mahirap bumitiw dahil baka na rin nakasanayan ko na at dala na rin ng takot sa pagbabago.

I have friends who were irritated of my recent actions. Irrational, unpredictable o boang ang kadalasang bulyaw nila sa akin. Pati ako, naisip ko din, ano ba talaga ang hinanap ko? What am I supposed to do?

After all of this pagmumuni-muni at pagbalik-tanaw, one thing was common to all of this. I found solace with my friends. Nagtaka siguro ang iba kung bakit naghahanap ako halos araw-araw. But I realized also, I cannot squeeze myself everyday. They have a life also, with or without me. 

It was also a turning point of realizing that of all the names you've known, only a few remains. Maihahalintulad lang ang listahan ng kaibigan sa isang class list: lahat nakakaenroll pero may pumapasa at bumabagsak. 

Sa lahat ng ito, masaklap maranasan when you reach that point of realization and seeing how you've invested much on a wrong person. Pero lahat naman tayo may pagsubok, at ito baka ang isa sa akin: how to stay sane despite my insane thoughts.

"I can get over this", says my leader side. "I have been in much worse situations."

But Mr. Other Side says: "Mahirap. Pero tingnan natin"

Though one thing is for sure, mawala ra ni. Naa lang siguro panahon na muabot ang pagka abnoy sa utok ug kasing-kasing. Ang pagmaoy, normal kana. Kung madugay na gali, see a doctor for a prescription.

One could easily describe Tawi-tawi as a war-torn zone due to its being part of the Autonomous Region in Muslim Mindanao (ARMM). Northerners associate the term Mindanao with conflict and ruthlessness, but they didn't know that this large island including the Sulu archipelago are home to the rich natural resources and natural sceneries left untouched by industrialization. And nothing could ever rival the combination of modern and natural living in the province of Tawi-tawi. And one can easily catch an air flight to Tawi-tawi from Zamboanga City.

According to my casual conversations with some elderly people, Tawi-tawi is home to the Tausugs and the Sama groups. Politically part of the province of Sulu before, the island was also under the rule of the Sulu Sultanate. Tracing its roots to the Malay peninsula, the province proudly boasts of being first to be Islamized in the Catholic country in Asia.

The Sheik Karim-ul Makhdum Mosque was a first for the region, establishing Islam and spreading towards the Mindanao, Sulu and Palawan (MINSUPALA) Region, enabling people to practice monotheism and centralized governance by royal rule of the Sultans and Datus. The masjid (mosque) is located in Simunul Island, and also reportedly houses the tomb of the foreign missionary.

I was given the opportunity to visit the area, since I had to attend a gathering of student leaders in Mindanao State University - Tawi-tawi College of Technology and Oceanography. The school is a chartered campus under the second biggest university system in the Philippines, Mindanao State University. Despite their location, the school produces quality graduates competent enough to join the growing demands for skills and manpower.

Contrary to most of the perceptions, the province is not entirely rural but a thriving modern community exists in the islands, most especially in the capital, Bongao. Public transportation via land is through tricycles and mini-jeepneys while large ferry boats are available for the island travel. And proudly, I can say that Bajau's are not simply homeless nomads but a proud group of people. Some, maybe, are displaced due to their livelihood and of poverty.

Bajaus with their fresh catch of fishes

One important tourist destination is the Bud Bongao. Its status of being untouched and home to animals, wild and free, attracts many visitors and locals alike. Tombs of missionaries can be found in the mountains and the place is full of local myth. Big monkeys like us will meet the real monkeys in the jungle. Bud Bongao is a protected area due to its diverse wildlife and vegetation. It's a good trek upwards and having frozen candy delights after the sunny adventure while feeding bananas to the monkeys.

And of course, the adventure won't be complete without the food and products fiesta part. And Tawi-tawi has a lot to offer. From a variety of Malaysian products to their cheap seafood, you will surely never get over it easy. The sea has lot to offer, and this place is a true testament to it. May it be home-cooked or from a restaurant, prices for their seafood is too cheap to be true. And believe me, when I say its delicious, it far from the frozen ones we get in the city. People don't weigh them but sell them by piece, and at big discounts! 

Well, Tawi-tawi is full of exciting things. I never got the chance to visit Panampangan Island but I am already amazed by how the province is doing well. A municipality, Bongao, that looks and feels like little city, an island municipality, Languyan, on the verge of becoming a city, a tourist destination waiting to be rediscovered and a university on the road to become world class. Tawi-tawi has it all. Quiet yet modern. Beautiful and refreshing. 

I would like to thank MSU - TCTO for being a gracious host, especially to Chancellor Lorenzo Reyes and friends from Tawi-tawi for making my stay there fun in every way: Aljem, Yang, Della, King, Phil, Jaro, Julasmin, Kin, Min, Cass and co-travelers Floyd and Kier. Magsukul!

It was an open secret how embattled my stint as Senate President was during my first year in the student government. It was an arduous journey and it made me realize a lot of things, one of which is all about professionalism. The experience strongly contributed to my dreams of correcting the erroneous ways and be as professional and formal in my dealings as a public servant. 

I was offered a chance to serve as President, but hesitated many times. Fears of succumbing to the system or being a changed individual due to the relays of power were my primary concerns for myself. If I were to lead and serve, would I still be the same person that everyone knows? I really know a lot of people who changed because of power, and I never wanted to become one. But, it occurred to me that it might be a challenge that I should encounter and surpass.

I took the challenge positively and with the support of my party, family and friends, the studentry have chosen me as their lead server. It was not easy answering the queries hounding my supposed role in dividing the student government and my alleged usurpation of authority, but it made my firm stronger in proving that mudslinging cannot bury my intentions. 

Like a breeze of wind, my term as President has come to an end. And I grieve for my shortcomings. I was not able to give my hundred percent effort as President since I have to attend to my regency duties. And for that I am humbly apologizing to my colleagues for letting you carry the burden of my office, and I also wanted to thank you for stepping up for the challenge and taking initiatives in all measures that a student government leader should have done. It should not be tagged as my administration but rather our administration. There is no one-man credit if there's a team behind every success.

I have to say that this year was full of challenges. Indeed, I am blessed and proud to say that this batch of student officers was never broken to factions despite the presence of three active student political parties of the university. Despite the majority being graduating students, their passion to serve will always be on the priority list, leading to our successful hosting of the Federation of Mindanao State University Supreme Student Councils' (FEMSUSSCO) General Assembly and of the Iligan City Tertiary Schools Athletic Association (ICTSAA) Meet, #BestPalakasanEver: RakNaEtu2014, and all other major Institute student events.

It was friendship and camaraderie that ruled in the council, and not pride and power. I hate to say it again, but the latter always leads to a self-glorification and self-destruction. 

To my colleagues in the student council, as President, I could never ask for more. I am always guilty of letting you bear my torch but it all proved that being a leader is not about by the position but the willingness to serve. 

My friends, I am thankful for the moral support, both by jokes and by serious tones. I will have to catch up with our time together. Work is too stressful, and I know you'll say again that all of you understand my predicament. I am just glad to have you during this journey.

To my newfound friends through Facebook, I am grateful for cheering me up through our online conversations and for giving me the chance to know you personally. Rest assured, my doors will never be closed even after my stint. We could always catch up with a cup of tea or of a bowl of fries.

To my cabinet secretaries, I have to say that I salute you for surviving my orders and every whim. It was not easy, I know, but thank you. Not all may be active, but in times of support, all of you were present. Staying on was not easy, but all of you did, in whatever capacity you had.

To the Institute Legislative Body, I am grateful for the harmonious relationship you've shown towards this government under the Senate President and the Pro-Tempore. Most of you are quiet but hardworking. It just tells me that not all work can be done by speeches but by manual labor too. Knowing my experience before as a Senator, thank you for not being indifferent towards my views and for supporting my policies as an overall stance of our organization.

To my two colleague advisers, Nikka and Justine. I have to say that a triumvirate has existed for quite some time. I am thankful for having both of you at my side. Congratulations in advance for your graduation and keep the flame burning. The ideas and suggestions were all worth it. 

And to the students who trusted me with their power of mandate, I can never tell fully in words hoe much I am thankful and indebted I am to all of you. I am most especially thankful to the 2,814 voters out of the 4,482 who chose me as their President.

This administration could never have been more perfect if it only ran full of my ideas. All of the people who made it possible for me to serve deserves my kowtow.

My term has come to its end but the fire for service shall never cease. With a teary eye, I am now going to say goodbye. 

DATU ESMA MIKEE PANTARAN MARUHOM, YOUR LEAD SERVER NOW BIDDING FAREWELL. 

(this is an old work of the blogger for the Philippine National Hero)

To defend things as we see it fit during perilous times is a one-of-a-kind attitude that most people don’t possess. Rarely, to speak in behalf of a battered nation and protect it from harsh and false words in front of an enemy is already considered a suicidal act. But to a true patriot, the love for country can never be measured up to the extent where he’s willing to lay down his own life. And we, Filipinos are very privileged to have such fellow countryman, whose actions sparked the dormant nationalistic feelings of the people and enticed the nation to unite against the usurpers of our heritage, land and liberty.

The national hero of the Philippines can be boasted as a worldly-acclaimed nationalist figure especially in Southeast Asia. His actions and works were one of the first that advocated equality and liberty against the colonizers, whom most of Asia were subjected to then. Besides reading various texts regarding his life and work, we are presented a chance to have an overview of the hero’s life, his struggles and achievements, despite being what they called as in indio the movie Jose Rizal. Through the movie, we have learned new and many things about the famous hero.

Even as an indio and an ordinary citizen, Pepe (Rizal’s childhood name) showed extraordinary prowess on his studies since as a child, a talent that became the key to the fulfillment of the long war against subjugation, colonization and discrimination. He used his talents to fight for a cause, along his fellow compatriots, exposing the abuses of the Church and the inequality in the society propagated by the Spanish-dominated civil government.

Having the charisma using his pen, Jose Rizal managed to join in the struggle through the publication of his novels, Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo. Rizal exposed the abuses without a second thought. It was explicitly shown how the natives were maltreated by the civil officials and even Church officials, which were supposed to be comforters to the woes of the people as servants of God. Land grabbing, corruption, excessive taxes, inequality, rights deprivation, censorship of the press and inefficiency of the educational system are just some of the societal problems that Philippines experienced during those times and in which Rizal exposed to the eyes of the colonizers and to the whole world.

The effects of having a unified Church-State government were also shown wherein the Catholic hierarchy had leverage to influence the civil government’s affairs even up to the decision making of the governor-general. The heinous misdeeds of churchmen such as the selling of indulgencias and discriminating the native clergy and laymen alike were always given a justification by the civil government.

Although Rizal advocated for a free society, he never supported a national rebellion. His idea was a reform through education. Although his ideas may achieve its goals in the long run, the revolutionists didn’t and can’t wait for its fruition. Instead, the people took arms against the colonial regime and faults of the massive uprising were attributed to the man who never wanted rash actions resulting to the spillage of blood.

Rizal’s actions signified the call for change. The Filipinos were already full of the abuses and misdeeds of the Spaniards and they have seen a path of light and freedom through the person of Dr. Jose Rizal and his works. His achievements were a source of strength to the discriminated natives. He was a model that every revolutionist, nationalist and oppressed Filipino look upon. Rizal’s being an indio never became a hindrance for him to excel in his academic career, even disproving the Spaniards supposed superiority over the natives. He became a source of strength to the oppressed ones, giving justice to their situations by unraveling all their hardships and suffering under the foreigners.

Rizal is best exemplified through his huge sacrifices for the just cause of achieving freedom, even leaving his family and loved-ones behind, imprisoned without fault and sentenced to death though innocent. But his blood became the strength of the nation against the tyranny of the Spaniards. His sacrifice became the focal point, an inspiration to the Filipinos that ignited their passion resulting and achieving our freedom once more, called again a free man with a new nation. His novels became a symbol of the history that our countrymen had suffered through those times, and telling us that we were never half in the situation they were in before. A clear message that we should uphold our sovereignty, dignity and liberty with high regard as we came to acquaint with it through a high price: thousands of lives. And Rizal, he himself became a pillar in the foundation of our nation. His martyrdom sent a strong cohesive force that bounded every Filipino to stand up and unite against the outsiders who continuously pillaged our land.

Jose Rizal was never forgotten neither his work nor his sacrifices. His name became common to every household, known to everybody as a hero; a hero that sacrificed his life without regard of his own and without the thought of spilling an ounce of blood. Even though a century has passed, we still give our respect and adherence to his mighty contribution that shaped our today’s society. Rizal will always remain in the memory of every Filipino. A person like him may never come again; a reformist at work, a writer at mind and a patriot at heart.

Oath Taking Ceremony with MSU-IIT Chancellor Dr. Sukarno D. Tanggol

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that a point in my youth will experience an unimaginable trip down south of Mindanao. As a Maranao claiming to be of royal descent, it is a fulfilling feeling to visit the royal roots of Philippine royalty, no less than situated in the conflict-laden, beautiful island of Sulu. 

Sulu is ruled once by the royal sultans until the American conquest. Like that of the Maranao and Maguindanao tribes, Sulu's royalty is existing still together with their traditional government but unrecognized by the RP government.

As a resident of Iligan City, traveling to Sulu is full of challenges. One is convincing family in granting permission for such travel. With the negative perception towards Sulu due to the arms conflict with the insurgents, the approval is one arduous process to undertake.

From Iligan, I together with my officials, traveled to Zamboanga City, the Asia's Latin City (due to the use of the bastardized Castilian language, Chavacano) which took a 12-hour overnight travel in a bus. Upon reaching Zamboanga, we immediately settled in a cheap hotel to freshen up and rest before buying our tickets to Sulu.

At past seven o' clock in the evening, our larger group including the delegates from MSU-General Santos and Sulu campuses joined us and boarded MV Beatrice, bound for Sulu. Honestly, I was quite shocked with the way how things are done on the ship. But what is life without a challenge.

It was a bumpy and slow boat ride to Sulu and the wind was so cold. It drizzled by midnight and we were covering ourselves on our beds. As what a colleague of mine said, the experience felt like being 

injured soldiers on our way home from war. 

Finally, I am so relieved seeing the pier of the mysterious Sulu. People got cranky due to the ship's slow stop and I am just glad that the Sulu students of MSU really assisted us. We were also greeted on the port by the MSU Sulu Dean of Agriculture, Dr. Arakama,

From the very first time I set foot in Sulu, I felt something new. The place is familiar with Muslim communities in the mainland Mindanao, and I immediately felt like at home. I paraded myself early morning around Jolo's center and Patikul. People are living normally and no gunshots heard, contrary to the biased facts that the media feeds us.

I was given a room in the MSU Sulu Guest House, with my colleagues in the Hostel. Though I insisted to be with them, but the landlady strictly forbid me to transfer as she took the liberty of playing host to me,

We toured around the campus and meet the school officials. Sulu is full of fresh air and the sunlight is rejuvenating. It is a tourist unexplored and uncharted territory. The natives are friendly and approachable contrary to reports that Tausugs are hostile to newcomers.

 The island is a such a sight to see. People talk like Malaysians with their culture very much alike. Its a waste for tourists not to see the white beaches along the coastlines and islets. I can only say that I have only to Jolo, Patikul and Indanan and the municipalities between Jolo and Maimbung, but I really admired the simplicity of lifestyle.

One thing that I really enjoyed in Sulu was FOOD! Theirs are really superb! Seafood at its best. I went home gaining additional pounds. It only shows how bountiful Sulu is, both in land and in marine resources. 

 But what I will really treasure always are the memories that I have from the hospitality of the natives and of the students. I really did enjoy talking to them, sharing insights and ideas both academically and politically. Truly, wherever in the country, MSUans really are a bright flock of students. Most of us may be silent, but our minds and hearts are full of enthusiasm.

We must not always believe what we hear. Sulu is not bad as it seems. Sulu is a nice place to live in and I hope that the peace and order problem will be solved soon. We only need unity and everything else will follow. I want that Filipinos and tourists will come and visit Sulu without hesitation in the near future for it carries many mysteries, predating its royal history.

Tausugs are not hostile people. They are like us, calm and full of smiles. Normally, people become hostile when somebody aggravates us. Not only is that true for Tausugs but for all humans around the world.

I dare you to visit Sulu. Sulu will bring smiles and peace of mind (and a happy tummy). 

 Visit Sulu! Explore Sulu! Love Sulu! And to Sulu, magsukul!